- "But what does TARDIS stand for? It sounds like 'retard.'"
- "You're half correct. The name itself has nothing to do with retards but its designers, the Scuns, could be classified as such as they gave it quite a...unique name. TARDIS is short for Traumatic Ass-Raping Discontinuity Isolator-Stripper. I'm sure you understand why we prefer to abbreviate the full Scunnish name and just call it TARDIS in academic circles."
- "That name makes no sense! What the hell does a stripper have to do with discontinuity? Wait! You're just joking, right? There's no logical way that idiots like Scuns could've created something so advanced...unless the future has gone straight to hell."
- —Refan d'Zarnagon and Smaug
The TARDIS (Traumatic Ass-Raping Discontinuity Isolator-Stripper) was a Scun-designed time machine which looked like a phone booth (a phonetics booth which is used in grammar schools for pupils who haven't learned to enunciate properly yet). A lindworm professor named Smaug used it to travel to the past and met with Jono Renfield and Refan d'Zarnagon whom he took with him to various eras in the history of the Land of the Living. Remonian academics who heard Refan and Jono's story named it the Bogus Journey, not believing in something as preposterous as time travel. It's still unknown to this day if TARDIS was real or just the figment of drugged Refan and Jono's imagination.