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Ronald McDonald
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Profile
Status: Dead
Age: 33 (at time of death)
Race: Human
Gender: Male
Class: Clown
Nation: Libaterra
Era: Third Age
"Show me your Big Mac."
"You're that ecstatic already, eh? Don't worry, Uncle Ronald will let you drink his McFlurry once we've had some fun first--"
Mary Sanders and Ronald McDonald

Ronald McDonald was a wandering clown with an eye for women. He claimed to have successfully seduced hundreds of virgins with his acts and had fathered as many illegitimate children. When he was in the process of seducing Mary Sanders in Ciano in 1017 AE, the pair witnessed the awakening of the ancient warrior Gilgamesh from a magic crystal. Both Ronald and Mary died messily in the hands of the furious Gilgamesh who was annoyed by their presence.

BiographyEdit

Early YearsEdit

Ronald McDonald was born to a family of clowns, entertainers whose purpose was to make people laugh. Ronald, however, realize he could make women do more than laugh; he could make them fall for himself with a little help from persuasive magic. He left the family business in his late teens and began wandering around Libaterra, intending to score with as many hot chicks as possible. He left many broken hearts--and as many bastards--behind in his trail of conquest. The authorities--and angry fathers--were unable to catch him because he was a slippery one, baby.

Godslayer EraEdit

Day of the DamnedEdit

"Look, there's something--someone--inside! Maybe some poor soul got trapped into a spell by accident! We have to help!"
"Oh for Hivena's sake, woman, be reasonable. I'm sure that person is perfectly alright in there! Let's carry on where we left off, shall we, while my Big Mac is still big! You know the effort I have to go through to make it stand out!"
Mary Sanders and Ronald

Ronald wandered into Ciano during the Day of the Damned festival in 1017 AE and successfully seduced Mary Sanders, the virgin daughter of Colonel Harland Sanders. While the two were lying in her father's cornfield, a strange crystal suddenly emerged from the ground, interrupting their lovemaking. Mary noticed that someone was inside the crystal and asked Ronald to help the trapped person, but Ronald forced her to focus on him once more because he wanted to nail her ass and even a creepy crystal couldn't stop him from blasting his McFlurry all over her cherry pie.

However, the crystal burst open a moment later, and a man in golden armor emerged from it. He was the ancient warrior Gilgamesh who had remained in the crystal for millennia, but the lovers remained unaware of that fact. The warrior inquired whether Mary was a god, to which Mary replied no. Gilgamesh replied by decapitating her then and there much to Ronald's horror.

DeathEdit

"Holy shitfuck in the pajamas! What the hell was that all about? I was gonna nail her tonight, you asshole!"
"Nail in the asshole? What an odd request. Very well. It shall be as you say, meatbag."
—Ronald and Gilgamesh

Ronald was both frightened and angry at this random warrior popping out of nowhere and killing the woman he was going to score with. He expressed his frustration and used a popular slang term for sex, but Gilgamesh, not from this age, took his words literally and executed him by summoning a nail in the clown's asshole. The nail grew rapidly and tore Ronald's ass open, spilling his guts everywhere and killing him painfully. And so ended the decadent story of Ronald McDonald, the clown seducer and owner of BigMac and juicy McFlurry.

Aliases and NicknamesEdit

Man with the Big Mac
What he called himself.

AppearanceEdit

A shaven man with a traditional clown makeup with white face and red lips. He's clad in yellow clothes and had red hair.

Personality and TraitsEdit

Arrogant, selfish, womanizing. All he wanted was to get laid with the most beautiful virgins in Libaterra.

Powers and AbilitiesEdit

He could use his subtle magic to seduce weak-willed women, and he put this skill to good use. He also knew how to slip away from scenes of the crime before angry fathers could catch him. All of that did jack shit against Gilgamesh, however.

RelationshipsEdit

GilgameshEdit

Ronald was annoyed by Gilgamesh coming to interrupt the sex session he had with Mary. Gilgamesh responded by slaying him cruelly as he considered Ronald nothing more than a nuisance.

Mary SandersEdit

Mary was only one of many young women in Ronald's list of conquests. He planned to leave her after he'd had sex with her, but things got complicated when Gilgamesh killed her before killing him too. Mary really seemed to have the hots for Ron, though, even though that feeling was partly fueled by Ron's magic.

See alsoEdit

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