Carpie mail, most commonly referred to as cmail or c-mail, is a method of sending letters between recipients via carpies, the native messenger birds of Aison, in the Third Age.

Example of Using CmailEdit

"I think I’ll check my c-mail!" exclaimed Vauldorf. "First I have to log on to the net," the old man for some reason decided to commentate as he hopped on the log and grabbed the net. He then threw the net over all the Carpies on the roof which he was now also somehow on. Reeling in the Carpies, he began to check each Carpie's beak for messages.

"Lets, porn, penis enlargement *pockets*, porn, fish, porn, ooh...something about septic tanks *pockets*. Delete all other messages please, except for the porn of course.” The Carpies ate their messages and then flew away to poop it on a shady character.

"Wait!" Vauldorf stopped one of the Carpies. "I need to compose a message with an attachment. The message is "" and the attachment is me. Fly me down to the pub please, I couldn't be bothered walking." Vauldorf sat on the struggling bird and squished it.

A soldier saw it and said, "Hey, you're not allowed to kill Carpies, especially not by squishing them! That's a federal offence, and it's also a country-wide offence! You're gonna pay!" The soldier then ran up to Vauldorf and hacked into his computer. And by computer I mean head.

Then Vauldorf woke up and he was sitting in his couch at home. "Aww, nothing exciting ever happens to me..."

Then Vauldorf woke up and he was being chased by dragons in a dragon cave filled with lava and stuff. "Aww, nothing boring ever happens to me..."

Then Vauldorf woke up and he was wearing a dress and dancing the can can on stage with a pack of wild bush pigs. "Ok, this better be the real one because I'm getting tired of this..."

Then Vauldorf woke up and he was lying in bed. "See, that's the great thing about dreams. You can go anywhere in the world without ever going outside the house."

Then Vauldorf woke up and he was outside the house. Vauldorf sighed and sat down outside his open front door, "Oh well, maybe the milkman will carry me in when he comes next week."

Vauldorf didn't have a milkman.

See alsoEdit

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